I’m asking you if you are scared of success but this is as much about my own fears as it is yours. I’ve been reflecting a lot. Because as much as I want to do more and have more, more time, more money to become financially independent, more happy experiences, I sometimes find myself self-sabotaging.
I self-sabotage and tell myself all the reasons why my new ideas are going to fail before they even get off of the ground. I explain all of the reasons why I’ll not be good enough. But what about all of the ways it could work? All of the ways it could better my life and the lives the people around me and many I may never meet? Is it a fear of being seen? A fear of actually becoming successful in a project and the fear of what will happen next?
I remember years ago, at the very beginning of my relationship with my still partner (some 20 years later!) we were sat in the Eurostar waiting area discussing what we wanted out of life. I wanted the world. Or at least that’s what it felt like to my much more easy going boyfriend who had much more simplistic ideas of what success would look like for him. He said, that I’d never be satisfied (yes I’m singing that a la Hamilton) because I wanted so much. I didn’t see it that way. I still don’t. Most of the time. If you don’t aim high, you won’t achieve much. Things won’t just fall on your lap, so if you don’t know what it is you want, chances are they won’t happen. I don’t think I want much out of life. I want to be financially stable. To be able to show my children some of the world. To have a job that I enjoy and that I can grow in. I’m sure my list seemed much more materialistic when I explained my goals to my boyfriend in the Eurostar waiting area that day, but in general the goals haven’t changed.
I think I’m not afraid of success as much as I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid of the consequences that will have on myself and my family. If I try something, say a new business and end up failing, it will have repercussions on them too. Will we have to move home? Change schools? But then, what would ‘success’ mean? Yes, success is different for each of us. It’s not all about money, fame, being insta-famous or having big fuck-off cars. Or maybe it is. There’s nothing wrong in that, we can measure it in our own ways. I just want to have financial independence, to be able to meet all of my responsibilties without stress. To help people and know that I have purpose each day. That would be success. It’s attainable. So why not go for it?
I’ve decided that life is too short to be scared of failing or succeeding. The best we can do is try and give it all that we have. To go into situations with an open mind. To strive for the best and to learn from failure. I don’t have the answer as to how everything is going to play out, but I’ll know that I’ll have given it my all on gone in with my whole chest.
What does success look like for you? Are you striving for it or shying away from your goals? What can we do to support each other?
