I’m turning 40 in six months. I remember turning 30 like it was only last year. So much has changed since then, but weirdly I’ll be entering the new decade in a similar way that I entered the last. Just before my 30th birthday I moved into a new home, in a completely new and foreign area to me, newly single and with my daughter in tow. I’ll be most likely entering 40 just as single, in another new house, in an even more alien neighbourhood, with an extra daughter this time! At 39, this realisation it feels both overwhelming and comforting in equal measure.
I’d love to say that there was so much I wanted to accomplish that I either achieved or am yet to achieve, but with hindsight I recognise that I didn’t have any big goals or plans for my 30s. A lot of the past ten years were a whirlwind. From the very surprising but welcome pregnancy of Rainbow, to changing careers, three times, to the slow and painful breakdown of a relationship, I was always playing catch up, fighting fires and hanging on for dear life, just hoping to survive until the end of the week. I didn’t have the headspace to set goals, to want more for myself or to even think I was worthy of more. It’s not to say I was unhappy with or satisfied with what I had, it just was what it was.
Guess what? I survived.
This isn’t the part where I proclaim to the internet that I’m thriving and living my best life. It’s where I admit that I’ve been through some pretty rough times and that whilst there are probably many more rough patches to come, I’m ready to live with some sort of direction and stop feeling like life is running me.
At the beginning of the year, my sisterhood group created goals as we always do, to help keep us anchored and striving to achieve greatness. I think for a while, my goals were basically to try and stay present for the sake of my girls and to make it through the year. Gradually, I built upon it slightly, daring to want something more for myself than to simply exist. I dared myself to overpay on the mortgage, to plan quarterly experiences both solo and with the kids, that kind of stuff. I
I promised myself I would lose weight, exercise more and get myself in better shape, which hasn’t happened up until now. I wanted to go into my 40s in the best shape of my adult life. I’m a little wary I won’t make this goal seeing as we are half way into the year, but there is definitely still time without me having to resort to anything drastic or dangerous. To be fair, I feel like this was more of a ‘revenge body, make him jealous’ kind of goal and not one based on what I truly needed or wanted so I’m not too fussed if I get healthier but not end up being ‘the healthiest, firmest, thickest’ version of me, ever. Because wanting to look ‘amazing’ physically, in order to make my ex jealous won’t satisfy me in the long term. Probably wouldn’t make him jealous either!
I also want to become much more comfortable financially. This is a work in progress and probably a bigger uphill battle than getting healthier. I’m notoriously bad with saving money but I know I don’t want to work until the national retirement age so if I want to become a part of the FIRE brigade (Financially Independent Retired Early) I have to get to stepping.
Is this where I share my bucket list of things I’m going to achieve before I’m 40? Nope, because to an extent, my hands are going to be full just trying to continue to find a new normal with the kids in this new town. I think between trying to do wonderful things with them, get us all healthier and also start my new challenge in September, I’ll be too busy to tick off anything on a bucket list, no matter how exciting the prospect of one might be!
I’d love to say that there was so much I wanted to accomplish that I either achieved or am yet to achieve, but with hindsight I recognise that I didn’t have any big goals or plans for my 30s. A lot of the past ten years were a whirlwind. From the very surprising but welcome pregnancy of Rainbow, to changing careers, three times, to the slow and painful breakdown of a relationship, I was always playing catch up, fighting fires and hanging on for dear life, just hoping to survive until the end of the week. I didn’t have the headspace to set goals, to want more for myself or to even think I was worthy of more. It’s not to say I was unhappy with or satisfied with what I had, it just was what it was.
Guess what? I survived.
This isn’t the part where I proclaim to the internet that I’m thriving and living my best life. It’s where I admit that I’ve been through some pretty rough times and that whilst there are probably many more rough patches to come, I’m ready to live with some sort of direction and stop feeling like life is running me.
At the beginning of the year, my sisterhood group created goals as we always do, to help keep us anchored and striving to achieve greatness. I think for a while, my goals were basically to try and stay present for the sake of my girls and to make it through the year. Gradually, I built upon it slightly, daring to want something more for myself than to simply exist. I dared myself to overpay on the mortgage, to plan quarterly experiences both solo and with the kids, that kind of stuff. I
I promised myself I would lose weight, exercise more and get myself in better shape, which hasn’t happened up until now. I wanted to go into my 40s in the best shape of my adult life. I’m a little wary I won’t make this goal seeing as we are half way into the year, but there is definitely still time without me having to resort to anything drastic or dangerous. To be fair, I feel like this was more of a ‘revenge body, make him jealous’ kind of goal and not one based on what I truly needed or wanted so I’m not too fussed if I get healthier but not end up being ‘the healthiest, firmest, thickest’ version of me, ever. Because wanting to look ‘amazing’ physically, in order to make my ex jealous won’t satisfy me in the long term. Probably wouldn’t make him jealous either!
I also want to become much more comfortable financially. This is a work in progress and probably a bigger uphill battle than getting healthier. I’m notoriously bad with saving money but I know I don’t want to work until the national retirement age so if I want to become a part of the FIRE brigade (Financially Independent Retired Early) I have to get to stepping.
Is this where I share my bucket list of things I’m going to achieve before I’m 40? Nope, because to an extent, my hands are going to be full just trying to continue to find a new normal with the kids in this new town. I think between trying to do wonderful things with them, get us all healthier and also start my new challenge in September, I’ll be too busy to tick off anything on a bucket list, no matter how exciting the prospect of one might be!
