I was going to delete this blog a while back because I’ve not been writing. But then, a couple of people said I should probably document my experience going back to uni at my big age and what it’s like being at the University of Cambridge studying for a Masters in Creative Writing. Both of them were right, maybe it’s a good idea to share what it’s been like so far.
It was about this time last year that I sent in my application, complete with the admin payment of £50, my sample of written work, and some willing referees. I didn’t have a reference from my university tutors because my undergrad was twenty years ago and they would have had no idea who I was, nor I them. Instead, my current manager and an ex-colleague were both generous enough to step in and provide evidence that I knew how to string a sentence together and that I’d be able to keep up with the rigors of this level of learning.
I’m now two modules into the course and so far it’s been life-changing. I’m not even exaggerating. It’s taught me so much about myself.
What's in this post
Learning about myself
For instance, one thing I didn’t realise until now is just how badly I suffer from imposter syndrome. I spent most of the first residential week thinking that I was some kind of wild card and didn’t belong to be there amongst such talented, young, and educated writers. Thankfully, during the second module, this feeling started to subside, though I’d be lying if I said it was gone completely. I know that everyone who is on this program deserves their place. Degrees at Cambridge are always oversubscribed so the course director would have had a huge pool from which to pick us. They’re not short on applicants for masters at Cambridge so why are we short changing ourselves?
It also taught me how much I can be capable of if I commit myself to it. When I got accepted onto my postgraduate degree, I was so grateful but was already planning on turning it down because I didn’t secure a grant or scholarship. But beyond that, I just couldn’t see how I would be able to balance childcare (the degree is run over 4 one week long residentials in the first year and multiple supervisions in the second) with work and university. Two residentials in and I can admit, it’s not been easy. But it’s definitely possible. I don’t have a support system in place in terms of friends and family so I’ve had to make some interesting decisions to make things work, but they do work.
Balancing responsibilities
What’s actually been the hardest part is carving out time in the evening to read all of the books assigned and those I feel will help me with my craft as well as actually write. These activities don’t normally start until after 9pm and can easily go on until after midnight if I get in my zone. There’s a very fragile balance between wanting to stay on top of studies and ending up feeling burnt out from the early starts the school run and parenting responsibilities demand.
What I’ve studied so far
The first module was poetry, I might do a post just on some of my favourite poems but I’ll save that for another day. There are four modules in total during year one and it’s a brilliant opportunity to try your hands at a range of disciplines. I don’t think I’ve written a poem since I was in secondary school so this module felt very unnatural to me. I didn’t know the majority of the poets being spoken about and the pre-reading felt alien to me. Thankfully, when we worked through the pieces in class and especially when I heard them being spoken aloud, things started to click and although I still felt out of my depth, it was obvious that this was a safe and nurturing environment in which to both learn and experiment.
The second module was prose fiction. It was by far my favourite and I’m sorry to the two modules yet to come, I’m sure it will stay my favourite, no matter how amazing the guest speakers, teachers or resources are. Prose fiction was my jam. I loved reading the craft books and as I prepare for my next assignment, I’m still finding time to read them. We had an assignment to each write one thousand words of prose during our residential week and I loved reading through what my peers had come up with. Everyone is so talented and so individual in the undeniably unique ways in which they choose to show up.
Want to know more about Studying at Cambridge as a mature student?
I’ll keep you posted on this journey and if you have any questions, shoot them my way. I’d be happy to share. I never thought I’d be studying for a Masters at Cambridge, this is still very much feeling like a pinch me moment and I hope that sharing some of my experiences will help others feel confident to apply and consider that this could be the right move for them too.
