Find your Zen Tinuke. You need to find that inner peace and stop letting the problems of today weigh you down. Yes. I really did have to say that to myself last night. Multiple times. Then as last night turned into this morning and I still found myself unable to fall asleep, it became almost a mantra to myself. Find your bloody ZEN Tin!
You see, I can over think things at times. To the point where it renders me useless. Unable to communicate or act. I’d had one of those weekends where I’d become fixated on something that has been making me unhappy on and off for months. Long enough that you would think I’d have more control over my feelings but it turns out not to be the case.
Once my mind had gone back to it, there was no turning it off. What’s more, it’s something I felt I had no control over so it was like beating myself up over nothing. I spent the weekend getting more and more irate over the smallest of things. Of Bob spilling yet another glass of milk, or her beads, or anything else that is possible to knock over. Normally I would roll my eyes, maybe even do a silly sing song voice and say something about not crying over spilled milk, but not this weekend. This weekend it was a cause for yelling, for screaming and big old me stomping out of the room to catch my breath and regain my sanity in the privacy of a locked bathroom.
No matter how many times I berated myself for wasting my weekend mulling over something that wouldn’t change in that very second, I wasn’t able to break myself out of my slump. So waste the weekend is exactly what I did. Which is why, I spent last night willing myself to find my zen. To take comfort in what I can control and remind myself I’m not nearly as helpless as I’d let myself believe. To ground myself in what was around me and focus on what needed my immediate attention.
I promised myself that I would actively try to be more patient and loving with my girls this week. After all, they were not the reason I was shouting. It was just that they were the easiest conduit for my frustrations. My mind was a mess and they were there. Easy targets. Completely unfair of me. (and yes, I will apologise)
Did I spend today in the same funk as I was in over the weekend? No. I did revert back to what had kept my mind consumed a few times, but I had a little post it not on my computer screen to remind me to focus on the moment not on the should’ve could’ve, would’ve’s .
How I find my Zen and centre myself in the present
Play some white noise
Spend a few minutes deep breathing to clear thoughts
Think of three things that make me happy
Think of three things that I need to do today
Think of three things I would like the opportunity to do in the future
Spend a few more minutes deep breathing to clear thoughtsTake a walk / dance/ sing along to the radio
