I feel like I hit 35 and suddenly started to understand the world of adulting. Yes, some might say that’s pretty late. I’ve been a parent for over 12 years now, in charge of my own existence for nearly 20 years, but something about 2020, or the accumulation of all the events in 2020, made me buck up, grow up and appreciate my worth. I was never much of a trend follower but this year the importance of following the beat of your own drum even more.
As someone who has struggled to always see her place in the world, being online has been a rollercoaster. I’ve blogged in some shape or form, always as a hobby, for over a decade. My old blog, Circusmums is still online, because it’s a decade of memories and I can’t bare the thought of losing it.
Even with all this experience of being online, imposter syndrome has reared it’s head many times. There are so many opportunities I didn’t bother going for. People have praised posts I’ve written or Beyond The Grid, the podcast I started in the summer last year. Rather than be thankful I’ve found it hard to accept the compliments. Because even now, in my newly found ‘adult state’ following the beat of your own drum isn’t something that always comes naturally!
So in what ways can we fall into the trap of imposter syndrome/ feeling less than? What can we do to absolve ourselves from these traps and realise our worth?
What's in this post
Copycatting
In this time, I’ve seen friends, peers and those I’ve followed get book deals, TV shows, brand endorsements, change career paths, create new business and so forth. As much as I knew the importance of following the beat of my own drum, it made me wonder if the path I chose to take with my own writing or photography sucked. If I should follow suit and use the same formula, posting a certain amount of times, running linkys, hosting competitions, sharing more of my family, more of me in order to have the same success.
I’m not going to lie to you, at times I succumbed to the power of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). I tried to run my own linkys or whatever I’d decided at the time was stopping me from reaching that same level of success. It never worked. I always fell short, the same book deals, awards, or whatever I was measuring success by on that particular day didn’t materialize for me too. Do you know why?
Because we all have our own path to follow. That wasn’t my path. It was theirs. It was their ‘success’ to have. I wasn’t being authentic. What I did was was try to mirror their actions. I guess I hoped to have some of their magic juju rub off on me and my work. I doubted the quality and validity of my own writing and creations in favour of theirs.
Icebergs
We are all icebergs. What we see of our peers, of those we aspire to be like is only a tiny fraction of what actually happens.
We don’t see the 95% of hidden work that went into them getting where they were. The nights that person was up for 4 or 5 hours after the rest of the household were sleeping in order to write proposals, edit content or brainstorm. We are all on our own paths with our own obstacles; yet what we see is the finished product, not the hard work and hurdles that it took to get there. As the saying goes, there is no point comparing someone’s ending to your middle.
Lucky breaks
It’s also worth noting that we don’t see the random, pure strokes of luck that meant something was seen by the right person at the right time to help catapult them to where they are. Because sometimes there is no magic formula. It can be down to luck. And your luck will come too if you are in the right mindset to see it.
So focus on you. On what you want, what you are passionate about because your time will come. You will find your tribe, if that’s what you want. Your product will sell, your videos will be watched. It will mean so much more if this happens whilst you’re being your authentic self, because no one can be you as well as YOU.
It doesn’t matter how niche or how saturated your topics of choice are. Still follow the beat of your own drum. Bakers exist, in every town or village you visit; but that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for another. Don’t let your fears stop you from being authentically you. Because that’s where you’ll find your happiness and where others will see you, and I mean really ‘see’ you.
Are you comfortable in your skin? Do you see your worth? Because I do. I know that what you want to create will be awesome. It might take time, but you will get to a level of brilliance that only you can accomplish. Yes, it will be a mixture of really hard graft, of honing your skills and of course, a sprinkle of luck. But know one thing; You’ve got this. I hear your beat and it is wonderful
Tinuke, thank you so much for writing this. Like you, I’ve really struggled this year trying to find a balance between what I want, what people online want and what Instagram wants! But, I then realised that people didn’t follow me because I was just like another parent bloggers, but because they like ME and what I have to offer. Comparison (or more so FOMO these days) is the theif of joy, as they say, and I couldn’t agree more.
The most success I’ve had is not when I’ve had double my usual likes, but when I’ve been the main character or the most authentic I can be (I just didn’t know it at the time!). It’s when I’m rewarded with conversation and community. This is no shade on people who measure success on numbers, that’s obviously their own goal, but I definitely think more emphasis needs to be put on being yourself and that one person’s “success” may not be your type of success, and that before you start this game you need to know what you want to gain from it and what success looks like to you (and how YOU want to get there).
Great post.
I follow you because you’re awesome, honest, stand up for what you believe in and so many more reasons. I guess as well, because you don’t fit into the mould of what may be seen as a ‘standard parent blogger’. I’m glad you’ve been able to see what makes you amazing is YOU!
Interesting to be able to look back and recognise that the content that performs the best is the ones where you’ve been authentic. I think that’s exactly as it should be! Als, thank you for the advice at the end!!!!
This made me a little emotional, I needed to hear this, or read this even thank you!! 🙌🏾 beautifully written
Thank you Saabirah, to be totally honest, I was a bit emotional and VERY charged when I wrote it! I’m glad it elicited a response in you too, it means a lot!
I needed to read this today. I do have a blog but I needed to hear this for me. Thank you.