BEYOND THE GRID- S1 EP3 Melinda Fargo the OG of Bloggers

tinuke bernard

I am so excited for this week's episode of beyond the grid with tinuke. Bernard, I'm speaking to none other than one of the ogis of blogging. Melinda Fargo is a woman whose storytelling skills have brought me to tears over the years. A serial blogger. A point of reasons calm is the seeds of blogging controversies throughout the past 10 years and a serial entrepreneur. In this episode, we speak to Melinda about her past and current blogging and creative endeavours, including the time a well known site host deleted her entire site in hundreds if not thousands of posts on it.

So Mel, thank you so much for joining us today. It's such an honour to have you as you've seen me already Gosh, on social media, you are one of my favourite people in the entire world of the internet. So I'm really really honoured to have you on today. For those who don't already know you, and I don't know how you're going to do this because you have always lived a remarkably full and interesting life, but can you tell our listeners a little about who you are and what you do?

Melinda Fargo

Okay, so again, I'm Melinda Fargo, I live in Norfolk, England. I'm a finance lead and projects coordinator in local government to pay the bills. by choice. I'm a flower loving cushion maker, writer, blogger and photographer. I picked up blog in about 10 years ago when my husband died. I'm not sure why I always I've always written but never publicly. And so that's how I came to the medium of blogging. I was born and raised and worked in London for many, many years. Before moving to Norfolk. We lived in a dilapidated 17th century farmhouse with me hooked to it wasn't Typically

we had to hoover

out the oven before we could use it.

tinuke bernard

Okay.

Melinda Fargo

Thank you for reminding me.

But we but we did do it up and I raised a husband and four feisty children now for fiesty professional adults in that in that house. And after Ronnie died I came back to the city after about two years. And because I had always made soft furnishings for the house, it came about again in a funny sort of way which I'll answer later on in the podcast. So that's that's what I do. That's who I am. That's what I that's what I do.

tinuke bernard

I like that. fingers in many many pies.

Why I love it and I when you say about sewing or to talk to you about it afterwards because I like to say but I'm not very good at it. So maybe tips.

Melinda Fargo

Yeah, let's do it.

tinuke bernard

Yeah. Is that case of all the crooked skirts and stuff that I make for my poor children but not very impressed wise. So I'm obviously

Melinda Fargo

deliberate Tinuke, I thought that was style

tinuke bernard

Yes, exactly the asymmetric kind of slump to everything. And that's how it's supposed to be darling, you know, the high cuts for your bums to make room when you put it on.

So, I would consider you one of my all time favourite influencers, and you've influenced me a lot in terms of how I write and how I think about writing and my audience a lot. Lots of things come from you. And do you have a favourite online influencer?

Melinda Fargo

Not Not one favourite. I mean, I'm going to pick four for the podcast. But certainly I think I've been a bit biassed against what an influencer is, yeah. And my fourth pick is the first time I've ever collaborated with an influencer. So I suppose there are many people. I find well written, witty, and or interesting with something to say or they have a beautiful aesthetic. So there's you for one and this is really not blowing smoke up your proverbial can okay you have stayed so true to your voice. The woman I speak to today is the same woman I met over 10 years ago. And I love your strong sense of community. Your recent black influences directory is testament to that. So you're one. Secondly, I suppose I would name check my daughter, Morgan Fargo. She's the digital fitness writer for women's health UK. She has a distinct point of view, and is the one who got me into serious meal planning and more than a nodding acquaintance with a more plant based way of eating By the way, she didn't she didn't know I was going to say yeah, that's my parent is downright there.

tinuke bernard

She'll know when she listens and goes "Oh that's me".

Melinda Fargo

Then thirdly, there's Hayley of Downs Side Up. Yeah, is a definite influencer for good. Such a warm, elegant, gentle spirit. But with such grit. Yeah, I met Haley at our first blogging conference. And, you know, we meet people as well who just feel like good people. Hayley is good people, and has raised awareness and deep understanding of what it is to parent a child with Down's. I adore her. And lastly, in home interiors, I recently collaborated with Paula Sutton of Hill House vintage.

Yes. Amazing. I know.

Unknown Speaker

I know. She was referred to me as someone I might find quite easy. interested and I did. And she was the first account or influencer, if you will. That I thought our setups would really play well together. Yeah. I wrote to her and told her that she is such a warm and generous woman. Yeah, who, who goes against I suppose my bias of what I thought an influencer would be okay. Down to Earth. She's haughty in a in a self deprecating way. She brings her 'A game', but doesn't mind you know, and she's had to dust off plan B or even plan C. Yeah, so she's very, very real. It's a beautiful account. Go and check her out if you haven't already.

tinuke bernard

Oh, my gosh, I have been following her religiously, I think since she kind of blew up on Twitter. And, you know, I think that's when a lot of people kind of became aware of her maybe a month or so ago. And I was blown away by her style, and maybe because it's Difference anything I would ever have in my home? So, you know, so self assured and so this is me and you know unapologetically yet you know you just have to respect that like I my house will never look like yours Auntie I have so much respect for it but you know I'm blown away by herself. I'm so glad to work with her

Unknown Speaker

yeah yeah i i love her style and you know in in her style I see what I I try to aspire to in some of the fabrics and feelings and thoughts that go into some of my picks. But yes I suppose those would be my four picks

tinuke bernard

amazing and in a way that leads really nicely on to my next question. And because you've mentioned obviously that you worked with heel has been the heel has vintage Yeah, yes heel has vintage with your business, the cushion Maven, which is amazing. By the way, I absolutely love the choice of fabrics you choose. So what made you to decide what made you decide to create the cushion Maven?

Melinda Fargo

I wish it was a more interesting story, but it's, it's

it's quite

Unknown Speaker

prosaic really. I I went on holiday a few years ago with my sisters, and I forgot to bring my camera. So when I got home, I had a two day stopover at mums in London before before going back to Norfolk. Yeah. And because I hadn't taken thousands of pictures, I didn't have thousands of pictures to be poring over. Yeah, so we would just sit in Lyman, and she just said she was going to buy some cushion covers. And I said out of nowhere, not having sewn in 12 years. Oh, don't don't buy the mom. I'll make them and I found myself in a fabric shop. I bought the fabric we came back. We laughed I sewed and thinking about it, I guess. in Norfolk. He converted I converted this dining room. into a sewing room. Okay. And I remember, at the end of everybody's day, at the end of bronies working day at the end of the kids school day, everybody would come in and join me. You know, the kids would try to break my machine. The point where we even set up a step is a big room. Yeah. dining table so they could come and eat and we could talk in law. Yeah. And I think you know what to look at, I guess grief. And the parts of you which can save you refuse to be silenced. And I think that's what happened that day. And I think my love of sewing and my fabric addiction and the love and the warmth of when I was sewing came back. And that's how the cushion even came about.

tinuke bernard

That's wonderful. And that that is a lovely story, man. That's a beautiful

story.

It's just the memories, isn't it when you said about the children trying to break your machine, either Got a lovely singer sewing machine. That's the love of my life. And I had to buy a separate one for the girls. So they stop trying to use my one

time they did.

That's fabric money we're talking about.

Yeah, is fabric money, but they have a separate one and even and they're separate fabrics that they want to go and then ruin that they've had but my stash was too important to me to share. So, I read something really interesting on your bio on what Mel did, which is your blog. And I saw that you said that birth plus 40 blogger site which you also ran was accidentally deleted by your hosts which I'd palpitation that just thinking about this, and I'm guessing that's like hundreds if not thousands of posts just literally vanishing. So tell me about that. What were the days immediately after that incident? What did it look like? What was your first reaction when you saw that all this hard work has dissipated.

Melinda Fargo

like everybody's reaction when you you've lost something, you know, we've all sat there and not saved a document and 5000 words just go off in smoke. And you sit there and you think, no, that didn't just happen. And you sit there for a good five minutes thinking that didn't just happen, but it did happen. And just a tiny bit of background, post 40 bloggers was born of attending too many blogging conferences were the only were there. No, not only was there no black representation, there was also no post 40 voice no articulate post 40 voice Yeah. The post 40 blogs was created as an online magazine site to celebrate these voices, the quality of submissions to Nikkei were outstanding. Yeah, you have to be more than just 40 you had to be 40 and bring your A game. Yeah. And I loved it. My loved being editor in chief. I love the sub editors. You know, I worked with very much. So that was about what, six years? Yeah. The day of and the days following the deletion of our account by our internet host was filled with at first lots of emails and phone calls, more emails, more phone calls, trying to get someone who could take accountability. Yep. Trying to get someone in the upper office to understand this is this is major, this is what you do. Yeah. But it didn't seem to resonate that we had lost the work of years of 600 subscribers and my ball got so low Kentucky that even an insincere apology on some way to heal that knot in my stomach every morning, I'd wake up and then remember the shitstorm So, for my own mental well being, I did wake up one morning and realised I had to let it go. Okay. And that was when I told our subscribers what what had happened. Yeah,

traumatic, so hard.

traumatic, traumatic.

tinuke bernard

Did you ever consider before you kind of made that decision that you know, you were going to kind of cut ties events and lead one? No, but it you know, it disappeared. Did you think of restarting it from scratch? Or was it just just too much time and too much work lost to try and start again.

Melinda Fargo

You know, honestly, that didn't occur to me. It didn't occur to me because it was born of a time and place and like when you lose old photographs of your mom and dad from the West Indies, yeah, you can't then decide to start that again. Yeah. And it was that sort of feeling I had last time place and, and really Once you look at the 40 plus voice, is it still relevant? It is? Yeah. But maybe my part in that project has played out. That makes sense.

Thank you. Do you feel that now and when you think about relevance and things, do you feel that there are more voices that unnaturally being amplified now as the plus 40 kind of environment? Or is it still something that's lacking?

I think there's still a lack. I think there's a lot of hopefully there's a lot of beauty blogs, fashion blogs for the over 40s, which are absolutely brilliant, brilliantly done. And I don't know if it's experienced that lends that kind of sass. To those accounts. I would like to see more over 40 writers. Okay. Having said that, let's check her projects. It's her stories project. Yes. I've recently joined join them all. as a as a little community, I don't have a lot of time to be joining lots and lots of groups. I have to pick, yes, where I put my time. But that's a recent group that I've joined. But I think yeah, there's probably still a knack out there.

Unknown Speaker

I'm nearly there. Now I'm I'm 35. I can barely join the party. I wasn't going to ask

Unknown Speaker

today, but thank you. I remember when you started, I

Unknown Speaker

was quite jealous. I couldn't quite join yet. I can remember you saying that.

Unknown Speaker

Right. Why can't I be just

tinuke bernard

for you, I'm getting closer and closer to join in that club.

So in my eyes, from a few in person conversations that we've had, and the many online ones as well, and you've always come across to me is kind of made from Teflon. like kind of like fearless, yet incredibly compassionate feeling all at the same time. And obvious situations that you are fearful of.

Melinda Fargo

Gosh, yes. Usually those involved in my nearest and dearest, you know, worried about trains, planes and buses. Yeah. My prayers always, always include that God keeps them safe before I see them again.

Fearless

I see rather see rather it's not quite given a damn anymore about people and the perhaps preoccupations that we know people are rarely thinking about us, you know being negative towards us. It's something in them which needs addressing. Yeah, I found something I also bear in mind when I'm tempted to tell someone where to go and how to get there. Yeah. And also, our brains are like attics and if we store too much of this stuff, we can't find the treasures when we need to find them. I learned this late in life but it's such a powerful thing to to know. Yeah. But we can just decide I'm not going to be affected by that. We can just decide that, that we can change our stories anytime we like because there are stories after all. And I think finally understanding that in middle age is liberating and probably what comes across to you as fearless. Yeah, I really don't give a damn. But I care about people and I care about people's motivations. Yeah. And if I don't regret the past, but if I could go back, that is what I would teach my younger self. Mm hmm. Don't fill your brain with what people may or may not be thinking. That's the way to madness.

tinuke bernard

That's amazing. And I think that's a great lesson for all and it's one that I'm definitely trying to teach my kids though, obviously, I know. They just own mom Be quiet. You know, the 11 year old won't get back yet and she's not going to get it for probably another 10 years and that's what she was talking about. Don't worry about what they say or what they think. But um, yeah, if we can get more people to realise that sooner rather than later

Melinda Fargo

what they say what they say let them see. Yeah, does that Marian, somebody said it? I have that in my dictionary for a very long time. They say what they say. Let them say,

tinuke bernard

yeah, that's powerful. I'm gonna write that down someone stick it on the wall when I'm reading comments on my blog or something.

Let them say what they want to say.

Talk about reading. And what are you reading at the moment?

Melinda Fargo

on my Kindle, read in Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. I've come very late and she was recently referred to refer. She was recently referred to me by my cousin Sarah. Another great witty remark I read one of Anne's lines and was immediately hooked, as it's my sense of humour. So she said, my behaviour was deteriorating faster than I could lower my standards.

Unknown Speaker

How much do you wish you had? I just wish I had written that was perfect. So as a personal essay writer myself I lean towards with essay writing, Trevor

Melinda Fargo

Noah, David Sedaris,

and Alan Bennett are three of my favourites

in physical book form. I'm reading again, which I don't know why I'm reading books again, because I read a few years ago that when you get to my age, yeah, you're likely to finish all the books on your book stand. Oh, I'm not too sure why I'm rereading stuff. Yeah, but I'm reading Stephen L. Carter's the emperor of Ocean Park. And it's a book I acquired many years ago in the States, because the state is also a home because me and my children were all I'm black British, My children are mixed heritage white American, Caribbean, black British. And it's a family saga set into privileged worlds, the upper crust, African American society, and the inner circle of an Ivy League school. I always like where culture to culture. Yeah. But

tinuke bernard

that's, that's what I'm reading at the moment. That sounds awesome. I'm gonna have to put both of them on my list. I'll make sure I put a link to both books underneath the podcast as well. So everyone else can join in and read and we'll show off the interview on what we have what we thought about the books. And so this is kind of a big question now. But what's next on your list of goals to conquer going forward?

Melinda Fargo

Well, I suppose there's three. I mean, the first one is on the top of everybody's list, which is to reunite with friends and family as soon as it's safe to do so. Yeah. I I'm not that comfortable at the moment that it's To do so, that's one. Two is to keep improving on the craft of writing. I've just started the shitty first draft of a personal essay. And which is about meeting my first real editor. And, as with any essay, the shitty first draft is where you just pour out what you're thinking. Because at the end of it, your essay will tell you what it wants to be about. So this may not be about meeting my first editor. It may be about my relationship with criticism, and how I've navigated the world, having been criticised

Unknown Speaker

it maybe not as badly as

Melinda Fargo

some people but sure I've lived with it. So to improve my craft of writing and to take the cushion move on to go larger, relevant audiences, like I was supposed to show at Alexandra Palace with the country magazine. Oh, so I'll do that two shows. One in November one in spring, which is their 30th anniversary. Fantastic. And to go to shows like The Independent hotel shows, because that's a marriage made in heaven. Yeah. luxury hotels. They have eight to 10 rooms if that and I making small collections and they don't want every room to look the same. Yeah. Those those are the three that came to mind. That's awesome. And

tinuke bernard

I could definitely see your cushions in a nice boutique hotel somewhere in the Cotswolds

Unknown Speaker

in your house,

tinuke bernard

yeah. Or in my house.

Unknown Speaker

I nearly bought something of a day and I'm like, No, I'm determined. I'm going to learn how to sew a cushion. I'm not buying it and I still haven't thought you

Melinda Fargo

can do it.

tinuke bernard

Well, I've got to the point. I've actually lost the foot pedal for my sewing machine.

Unknown Speaker

I don't even know how Why but I think I've been like, please buy something I said,

tinuke bernard

don't do it. If you don't have the foot pedal know exactly. And I refuse to buy a new one because I must have it somewhere in the house. But I've been over cleaning and tidying and sorting and I don't know where to put it. It's not quite yet. Love it.

I have one last question for you.

Unknown Speaker

So, what advice would you give to people

tinuke bernard

wanting to go at it themselves and make a living from being self employed freelance in the way that you are?

Melinda Fargo

Oh, well, I have a I have a full time job. So I think the first thing I would say

is don't buy into the thinking that says to be a real entrepreneur. You have to risk everything, kick up everything, otherwise you're not for real. You know, I work full time. I love Having a job which pays the bills. Yeah. So which allows me to be as creative as I want to be without the sleepless nights. I've been there so I'm not gonna do that again. So I would say, if you can test your premise in a safer way as possible, do that. I know safe sounds really boring and high risk tremendously exciting. But some of the bail is kicking down your door at midnight to take away your furniture.

Unknown Speaker

That's exciting. Yeah, for sure.

Unknown Speaker

That's really exciting. Um, secondly of three I would say keep it simple. This not only cuts down on your costs and home overheads, but paring back allows you to see your brand clearly. And when we throw money and tonnes of people at an idea, problems real or perceived get more complicated because you are just throwing complication at the problem. And lastly, which would probably have come first is, know what it is you want to do. Your tagline should sum that up. What your point of difference is, and why you want to do it. I'll show them can be soul destroying reason on its own. I'm going to show them. I'm going to show my teacher I'm going to show my parents I'm going to show everybody Yeah, do it first because you don't recognise yourself. If you don't do it, then show them and my kids, if my kids will be listening to this will know exactly what I am going to say next. Take note of where you are, who you are with and what you are doing. When you feel like the best version of yourself.

Unknown Speaker

Doing your business makes you feel

Unknown Speaker

like the best version. Mm hmm. That's the best start. You can have

Unknown Speaker

that's absolutely beautiful and advice to live by in all walks of life, whether it's going to work or who you choose to spend your free time with. Do you feel good when you're doing it? And if not, why are you doing it?

Unknown Speaker

Well, I put that on a T shirt and sent it to my son in New York. So I really believe it.

Unknown Speaker

Absolutely beautiful. And I think that, you know, your advice will really help some people out there who are trying to, you know, I think there's this kind of all or nothing attitude at the moment when it comes to entrepreneurial ism. And, you know, take me for instance, I cut back from my full time job to a part time to allow me the time and space to parents and kind of go up about my entrepreneurial ideas, but it was never about having no job whatsoever, because there are bills to be paid. It's scary.

Unknown Speaker

Yeah, it's very scary.

Melinda Fargo

And I truthfully don't relish the thought you know, waking up and thinking I'm Mel, you've got to sew 1000 questions today.

Gotta pay the light bill

tinuke bernard

exactly like me I couldn't imagine that you'd see some really, really shady collaborations on my blog. If it was only paying for my rent and things. I would do what it needed to be done. But yeah, you know, knowing that rent paid nothing sorted, it means that you can be a bit more picky and make sure you're following the path you want to follow. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely key for ya. Thank you for that. That's amazing advice. And, Mel, you've been a star. Thank you so much for your time. And thank you so much for sharing a little bit about yourself and you know, who you are beyond the grids because, you know, you have an amazing Instagram grids and amazing social media presence. And I think you've helped so many people over the years without you even realising. And so like, I know I blush about you, there's, there's some people I'm going to make so embarrassed on these podcasts because I will Gosh, relentlessly, but I'm only putting people on that I actually like so, you know, get you through it. But um, thank you for your time and sharing a slice of your life with us. And as I said, We'll put links to, to your blog to Instagram and to the books you've mentioned underneath the podcast that people can follow if they're not already following. And if there's any comments, I'll forward them on to you as well.

Melinda Fargo

Thank you. It's been an absolute pleasure doing this and quite frankly, any project you're involved in, and you only have to well, you don't even have to finish the sentence.

Unknown Speaker

Thank you. You're welcome.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai